Well, the summer is pretty much over. Classes start in two days…which is super weird!
Anyways, I’ve been at camp all summer, and God has truly rocked my world. When I say this was the hardest summer of my life, I’m not exaggerating.
The summer began with my best friend from growing up died in a car accident. ( Emily )
God truly sent an earthquake my way with that one. I drove through the front gate of Sky Ranch completely confident in myself because it was my third summer. Boy, was I dumb. I am not adequate at all to do camp a whole summer. I am not adequate to share His Name on my own. I am not adequate on my own, period.
Then, I come home and receive some more news that rocks my world.
Basically, my summer has been one giant hurricane.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4yMt9H8Rpg Jimmy Needham – Hurricane
So, I get home from camp and am so caught up in myself that I don’t make time to spend with my Savior and I once again return to being completely independent.
Side note about camp: I started journaling after Emily died. It’s a great way for me to focus my prayers and to watch God answer them. Also, it’s kind of weird, but sometimes I feel as if God guides my hand and tells me what I truly need to hear.
That guiding of the hand happened literally an hour ago. Here’s what I wrote in my journal:
Forgive me for not being disciplined. I’m relying on my own strength instead of Yours. I’m not making time for You. I’m not feelin’ it, but I know for sure that it’s more than a feeling. It’s a rather strange place to be. Usually after camp, I’m completely on fire, but that’s not the case this time. I still feel like I’m a dry washrag being rung out for more than I have in me. I don’t know what the deal is. Everything just feels so weird. You have truly ROCKED my world this summer! I know that You are sovereign and I know I should put my trust in you but I’m not sure if I truly have since I’ve been home. Be my strength to pursue You when I don’t feel it.
But Krista, you don’t deserve to feel my presence. You deserve the death I have saved you from. What you deserve is not what I have given you. Be thankful for what you have and walk by faith. You life has not been too hard, and I am right beside you and you walk through this hard time.
I found my identity in:
Being a Sky Ranch counselor – stripped ; Having it all together – stripped
My identity should be found in You and You alone. I want to be a woman after Your heart, not my own.
Conviction. I have been placing my hope in myself and things of this world that God just wrecked shop on these past three months.
Hope is something that I’ve truly learned a lot about this summer, and the use of anchors has been really cool to me as well. An anchor is used to prevent something from drifting. So stinkin’ often I tried to hold onto things and steady things myself…which is dumb! I can’t do that.
We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf. – Heb. 6:19-20