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Hurricanes & Anchors

Well, the summer is pretty much over.  Classes start in two days…which is super weird!

Anyways, I’ve been at camp all summer, and God has truly rocked my world. When I say this was the hardest summer of my life, I’m not exaggerating.

The summer began with my best friend from growing up died in a car accident. ( Emily )

God truly sent an earthquake my way with that one.  I drove through the front gate of Sky Ranch completely confident in myself because it was my third summer.  Boy, was I dumb.  I am not adequate at all to do camp a whole summer.  I am not adequate to share His Name on my own.  I am not adequate on my own, period.

Then, I come home and receive some more news that rocks my world.

Basically, my summer has been one giant hurricane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4yMt9H8Rpg Jimmy Needham – Hurricane

So, I get home from camp and am so caught up in myself that I don’t make time to spend with my Savior and I once again return to being completely independent.

Side note about camp: I started journaling after Emily died. It’s a great way for me to focus my prayers and to watch God answer them.  Also, it’s kind of weird, but sometimes I feel as if God guides my hand and tells me what I truly need to hear.

That guiding of the hand happened literally an hour ago.  Here’s what I wrote in my journal:

Forgive me for not being disciplined.  I’m relying on my own strength instead of Yours.  I’m not making time for You.  I’m not feelin’ it, but I know for sure that it’s more than a feeling.  It’s a rather strange place to be.  Usually after camp, I’m completely on fire, but that’s not the case this time.  I still feel like I’m a dry washrag being rung out for more than I have in me.  I don’t know what the deal is.  Everything just feels so weird. You have truly ROCKED my world this summer! I know that You are sovereign and I know I should put my trust in you but I’m not sure if I truly have since I’ve been home.  Be my strength to pursue You when I don’t feel it.

But Krista, you don’t deserve to feel my presence. You deserve the death I have saved you from.  What you deserve is not what I have given you.  Be thankful for what you have and walk by faith.  You life has not been too hard, and I am right beside you and you walk through this hard time.

I found my identity in:

Being a Sky Ranch counselor – stripped ; Having it all together – stripped

My identity should be found in You and You alone.  I want to be a woman after Your heart, not my own.

Conviction.  I have been placing my hope in myself and things of this world that God just wrecked shop on these past three months.

Hope is something that I’ve truly learned a lot about this summer, and the use of anchors has been really cool to me as well. An anchor is used to prevent something from drifting.  So stinkin’ often I tried to hold onto things and steady things myself…which is dumb! I can’t do that.

We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf.                                                                                            – Heb. 6:19-20